I thought he was being stoic when he looked at me with a stern face, and said my brother had been murdered.  I could barely breath.  I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest.  I convinced myself he was holding it together for me but in reality he felt nothing.  He walked the funeral home floor by my side, never shedding a single tear.  I repeatedly told myself he was being strong for my sake.  I was so detached from reality that I failed to see the truth.  How could you watch someone you love hurt so deeply and show no emotion?  He showed no remorse for my pain, and I grieved alone.  I should have know the words he uttered were coming.

When he said, “Your better off that he is dead,” I wasn’t sure if he was emotionally murdering me.  I knew that very second that he didn’t love me.  How could you say such ugly and hateful words to someone you care for?  I was the mother of his child.  I had sat vigilant at his bedside while he had chemo, checked his lab draws every week, and prayed to God every night for his health.  I cried countless tears and wished it was I who was sick, instead of him.  The seven words that he uttered were the ultimate betrayal.  The one person in the entire world I thought who loved me unconditionally, never really loved me at all.  

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Relationships are about putting faith and trust in another.  You won’t always get along with them, want to be around them, or hear what they have to say but you care about them enough to deal with the issues.  It is heartbreaking when you realize someone you invested your life in viewed you so heartlessly.