Starting over…

asouthernmother
January 15, 2013

The past few years for me have been plagued by distrust and heartache.  On December 15, 1981 I became the loving older sister to a blue eyed brother that would be my playmate, friend, and adoring younger brother.  We were “irish twins” just barely 14 months apart in age.  We didn’t always get along and rarely agreed on much, but we loved and defended each other.  On May 25, 2009 my world stopped for a second.  There was a crack in the universe that could never be mended.  I lost my brother to a cruel villain.  He was murdered by my stepfather following a domestic violence altercation with my mother.  I never knew what true pain was until that moment.  People always ask why I run so much… I have the simplest answer.  When you have felt real emotional pain, physical pain becomes nothing.  There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t miss his voice or his laughter.  The middle of the night phone calls as a prank.  The fighting and the hugs.. I can tell you where I was sitting and who I was talking to the very last time I heard his voice.  I dedicate my life to him, Brandon Michael Peace.  The life that was cut short and taken from us by real evil.

For every night there is a morning.. and from the darkness you can see new light.  
It took me a while to see any good in the world after Brandon’s death.  I saw anger, hate, and rage for many months.  I was mad at God and mad at the World.   I eventually realized I had friends that would never fail me.  I saw kindness from complete strangers.  I received an outpouring of support and love.  His tragic death made me really want to live my life and appreciate it.  Brandon’s death taught me to never take a second for granted, lives are lost in the blink of an eye.  I wanted to turn tragedy into triumph, so I have devoted myself to charity and helping others.  Brandon lives on through the people that loved him.  I like to think he is always watching over me, helping guide my path.  I cherish every moment I spent with him and I am grateful I got to be his big sister.  
IN LOVING MEMORY OF
BRANDON MICHAEL PEACE
DECEMBER 15, 1981-MAY 25, 2009
GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN 

The road less traveled..

asouthernmother
January 14, 2013


Robert Frost (1874ā€“1963).  Mountain Interval.  1920.
1. The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;        
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,        
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.        
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and Iā€”
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
        

I think if you were to sum up my life, I think that The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost would describe me best. It seems that following everyone else has only led me to trouble. I have occasionally made the wrong turn, but it all led me to where I am now. I am happy with this life. After all we are only given one life and we have to make the best of it. In my situation, I live my life for 2 people (well really 3 if you count my son). My beloved brother Brandon Michael Peace was taken from us too soon (but that is for another post). I try to live every day like it could be my last. I love to travel and see the world. I find beauty in small things and I love helping others. I may not die famous but I want my family to be proud of the life I lived no matter how long or short it may be. I think people fail to realize how the small things can add up to be big things. We should take chances, smile more, laugh often, and enjoy the beauty in nature. You should never miss an opportunity to tell someone how you feel about them because you might not get that opportunity again. I am working on being more optimistic and less afraid. Remember only you can choose your road and eventually you will walk it alone…. 

 ~Jess