Faith Bigger Than Your Fear and Investing Your Life

August 8, 2013

My moments of brutal honesty never seem to end well.  I am struggling to adapt to all the change in my life.  I have an inner conflict.  I lack faith in others, but even worse I often fail to have faith in myself.  Decision making can be painful.  I am so fearful of making the wrong decision, I struggle to make a decision at all.  The last few weeks have been full of unrest.

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Gulp… here is my moment of honesty.  I have been seeing this guy for nearly 2 months.  He is very different, unlike anyone I have ever dated.  I tried really hard not to like him.  I was actually scolded by my friends for not giving him an “honest chance” at first.  He is cute, and he has the sweetest smile.  He tolerates my banter, and he is equally witty.  He loves his job, and he is impressively good at it.  The most admirable thing about him?  When I have a bad day usually involving a conflict with my ex, he tolerates me.  He takes the brunt of the quarrel, with unwavering grace.

Did I mention he has no children and has never been married?  His brief dealings with my son have been awkward but endearing.  His effort does not go unnoticed.

So what are his flaws?  They seem to be scarce.  His biggest flaw is that I like him.  So are you wondering why I consider liking him a flaw?  I try my best not to like anyone.  No expectations, equal no disappointments.  With the exception of a few people, I have been hurt the worst by those I cared about.  When most people try to draw others close, I tend to push them away.

Photo Credit: Pinterest 

What I am about to say might really get me in trouble but here it goes anyhow… The band Mumford and Sons has a song titled, Awake my Soul.   The lyrics say, “In these bodies we will live, In these bodies you will die.  Where you invest your love, you invest your life.”  Don’t read anymore into that statement than what it actually implies.  I am not saying I love him, I am in love with him, or that I am starting to fall in love with him.  I invest myself more in people than I do possessions.  Who you decide to spend time with or date is one of the most important decisions you will ever make.

People can either help or hinder you.  My relationship with my ex is proof of that.  Relationships should be encouraging and positive.  They should never be self-serving or hurtful.  All we truly have in life is time, and you have to invest it wisely.  We have to spend it with people we love, and doing things that what bring us happiness.  Once time is lost, you can never get it back.  You have to use it intentionally.

There are times when I am deeply angry at myself about the time I have wasted.  My biggest fear is wasting even more.  I am diligently trying to make my faith stronger than my fear.  I am sabotaging my own happiness with worry.  I am trying to trust my own judgment, and have faith that he has no intentions of hurting me.  I am choosing to invest myself in the moments we have together, even though they seem scarce.  I am choosing to have faith in him, but most of all to have faith in myself.  

Happy Thought-filled Thursday,

How This “Stella” Got Her Groove Back

May 28, 2013
It took just a few weeks for me to revert my hair back blonde.  I decided it was time for new head shots and thanks to my wonderful sister, Anna Peace for doing my hair and makeup!  

Happiest Girls are the Prettiest Girls

May 15, 2013
My dear friend Jen and I in Cali

I looked in the mirror today and I realized, the happiest girls are definitely the prettiest girls. I see a direction and purpose for my life. I am honestly relieved that my facade of a marriage will be over soon enough. It is nice to no longer pretend that everything is okay. The truth will set you free, but it will definitely annoy you first. One person can only lie to you so much before all faith is lost. I look at my son and I realize, we have a bond that will never be broken.
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For a lot of people I know, their workplace plays a huge part in their happiness. No one wants to work somewhere that drains their positivity and does not make them happy after all. Of course, there is no magical solution to the age old question of ‘how to keep your employee happy for real‘, but it cannot be denied that employees are more likely to stick around when they feel respected and valued by their employer.

Anyway, this cowgirl is ready to saddle up and ride off into the sunset. Today’s sunset was picnic in the park, we walked over to the park, played on the playground, and had snacks for a few hours. It was loads of fun, until Escobar managed to wiggle loose from his harness. I’m not sure how a short fat dog moves so fast. A ten minute chase and he was recovered. I have a love hate relationship with that dog. He better be grateful Gabe loves him so much.. lol

Being happy is not always easy though. With mental health being such an important topic in the media at the moment, finding ways to practice self care has to become a priority for each and every one of us. I was actually talking to a friend of mine about this the other day. She has struggled with anxiety and depression for most of her life but she has discovered that using natural remedies like CBD oil has made a big difference to her frame of mind. CBD oil has a wide range of health boosting benefits but it has been shown to be particulalry useful for people that live with mental health issues like anxiety and depression as it is believed to be a mood booster. Accordingly, if you would like to learn more about CBD oil, you can take a look at this guide to the best CBD oil UK customers can buy on the High Times website.

On a funny note, how does one sign up for a class and totally forget about it? No joke. I think I signed up for Human Health and Global Environmental Impact in February through Harvard Extension program. I wanted to make sure I got in before it filled. I get an email today saying, “Welcome to the first day of class!” What??!!! Yeah, like I needed this right now. I am going to suck it up and move forward. I have never taken one class at a time, only full semester loads. I think this course will help to improve my perspective on global health and strengthen my advocacy skills. It might even improve my chances of getting the dream job that I applied for.
Photo Credit: Nanny Stella
On a very strange note, I checked my inbox earlier to find an email from Nanny Stella. You might remember her as one of the nanny’s from The Nanny 911 Show. I thought to myself, I know Gabe occasionally throws tantrums but he really isn’t that bad. While I was in Laguna Beach for the Mom2.0Summit I filmed a segment with the New Era Mom Show about discipline. The segment is ironically titled, “When you disagree with your husband about discipline.” Nanny Stella is one of the co-founders of the New Era Mom Show.
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They were using part of my interview in the segment and it is set to air on Thursday.
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I’m slightly nervous, anxious, and apprehensive about it airing. I will also be participating in a twitter chat on May 23. So who is gonna tune in?
Happy Triumphant Tuesday,

Beginning today…

January 16, 2013

I hope everyone will read that message and really think about it.  If you have ever lost a loved one suddenly, you will can better understand it.  My brother and I were in different states when he passed away.  I sometimes wonder how other people treated him the last weeks, days, hours, and minutes before he died.  Sadly I know he died alone, lying in a pool of his own blood, after begging for help.  Every person that we cross paths with, we have no clue when their life will end.  What if you were the last smile or the last frown someone ever saw?  How would you want your loved ones treated?  We all have bad days but need to recognize how we influence others.  I don’t always feel like smiling but I would rather be the last happy face someone saw than the grimmest.  Has anyone ever randomly done anything for you that changed your day?  What if you could do that for someone else?  How different would this world be?  If we all set out in the morning to make a positive difference in someone else’s life, no matter how small.  I could be grim and pessimistic, but I refuse to let the act of one evil person negatively change the outcome of my life.  If I let him make me scared or angry, he wins.  My brothers life and his death would be in vain.  Instead I try to live positively, helping others with an open and kind heart.  I ask each of you to do something simple today to help someone else.  Don’t do it for me, do it for my brother and his memory, and others that have been lost to evil and violence.  Smile my dear friends, today is going to be a great day!