Insomnia: Moving Beyond Tired

November 18, 2015

I participated in an Influencer Activation on behalf of Influence Central for the National Sleep Foundation. I received a promotional item to thank me for my participation.

As long as I can remember, I’ve never been able to fall asleep easily. When I was a young girl I would roll around for what seemed like hours before I finally drifted off to sleep, and nothing has changed. Last night I was up until past 1am, despite having a busy work day, my son’s school talent show last night, and using my elliptical for an hour. I’ve tried medications for insomnia, but all of them make me feel terrible the next day. I have yet to use CBD to try and balance my mind just before bed in order to try and get a better sleep, but I’ve heard it works wonders for a good amount of people for numerous issues and ailments, it’s just a matter of looking on sites like to find the best possible option for you. Many people have tried giving me advice on what I can do to try and get a good night’s sleep. From taking medication that relaxes me before bed, to even using herbal sprays on my pillow, there’s just so much to consider. Of course I do want to solve this, but after hearing stories from friends where someone they knew was going through difficult benzodiazepine withdrawal while trying to treat his insomnia, it does scare me a little. With this being said, I have heard from others that it can work and things sometimes get worse before it gets better. I guess anything is worth a try if I can finally get the rest I need/deserve.
The most worrisome aspect of insomnia is that I’m starting to notice my poor sleep habits in my son. I hope that by working on my own problem with insomnia that I can move Beyond Tired, fall asleep faster, and help instill better sleeping habits in my son.

Continue reading Insomnia: Moving Beyond Tired

Good Things Come to Those That Wait

September 11, 2013

It has been hard to not pull the “why me” card the past few years. 

We dealt with my ex having PTSD and ITP
My brothers tragic murder
A house fire
The trial of my stepfather for my brothers murder
My ex volunteering to work out of the country for the Army and leaving me to care for our 1 year old
Struggling to get off my baby weight
Discovering my ex had several inappropriate relationships
A rather nasty and ugly divorce

It is easy let personal tragedy wear you down.  Negative emotion will consume you, and all the joy life has to offer. I have ultimately had to spend my time reflecting on my triumphs, most of which happened in the last year instead of the tragedies . 

The birth of my son, Gabriel Christian.  He is the love of my life. 
I was selected to represent the General Federation of Women’s Clubs with the United Nations Foundation Shot@Life campaign.
I completed a Tough Mudder
I have ran several half marathons
I was chosen as a Shot@Life campaign spotlight champion.
I have worked with my congressman’s office on veterans affairs.
I attended the Mom 2.0 Summit
I was chosen by HLN’s Raising America during the Shark Tank panel to represent mom bloggers.
I went to BlogHer. 
I went to Mom + Social. 
I have been mentioned a New York Times and a Washington Post publication. 
I started writing for Ask Miss A and became the Outreach Director. 
I met Amanda Peet, J Lo, Brandy, Nigel Barker, and Gene Gurkoff (Bet you never saw that sentence coming Gene)
I went to NYC and LA in the same week. 
I just started two new campaigns with LeapFrog and Chick-fil-a
I realized the best kind of revenge is karma. 

I have decided to live my life unapologetically, and without hesitation.  I have everything I truly need with my son.  He loves me unconditionally.  I have realized that I can’t determine my personal worth on the opinions of others.  I must love myself first before anyone else can love me. 

 I waited almost 10 years to have Gabe.  Good things do come to those that wait, he is proof of that.  I can’t wait to see what the next 10 years hold for me. 


Happy Terrific Tuesday,

The Unloved

August 12, 2013
Photo Credit: Pinterest 

“I realized in that moment, that no one ever truly loved me,” was almost harder to hear from another friend than it as for me to feel.  I don’t think anyone should feel that way, especially not another kind, intelligent, and beautiful soul.   There is a quote by Kim Culbertson that states, “People think being alone make you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true.  Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”  The people who care the most, and have the kindest hearts are often the easiest hurt.  It is heart wrenching to know another knows that pain and angst.  The emptiness that comes from questioning if anyone ever loved you, or made you a priority in their life is consuming.

I thought he was being stoic when he looked at me with a stern face, and said my brother had been murdered.  I could barely breath.  I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest.  I convinced myself he was holding it together for me but in reality he felt nothing.  He walked the funeral home floor by my side, never shedding a single tear.  I repeatedly told myself he was being strong for my sake.  I was so detached from reality that I failed to see the truth.  How could you watch someone you love hurt so deeply and show no emotion?  He showed no remorse for my pain, and I grieved alone.  I should have know the words he uttered were coming.

When he said, “Your better off that he is dead,” I wasn’t sure if he was emotionally murdering me.  I knew that very second that he didn’t love me.  How could you say such ugly and hateful words to someone you care for?  I was the mother of his child.  I had sat vigilant at his bedside while he had chemo, checked his lab draws every week, and prayed to God every night for his health.  I cried countless tears and wished it was I who was sick, instead of him.  The seven words that he uttered were the ultimate betrayal.  The one person in the entire world I thought who loved me unconditionally, never really loved me at all.  

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Relationships are about putting faith and trust in another.  You won’t always get along with them, want to be around them, or hear what they have to say but you care about them enough to deal with the issues.  It is heartbreaking when you realize someone you invested your life in viewed you so heartlessly.

She and I are not unloveable.  We chose to love the wrong people for the wrong reasons.  Maybe we loved them more than we loved ourselves.  I know that eventually the right people will come along at the right time, and they will love us for who we are.  They will appreciate that we are guarded, and they will know all our faults and will love us just the same.  They will not betray our trust.  They will guard our hearts instead of kicking us while we are down.  One day it will happen…

Photo Credit: Pinterest 

Happy Soul Searching Sunday,

How This “Stella” Got Her Groove Back

May 28, 2013
It took just a few weeks for me to revert my hair back blonde.  I decided it was time for new head shots and thanks to my wonderful sister, Anna Peace for doing my hair and makeup!  

If Love Could Have Saved You…

May 25, 2013
I stole this from my sister 

Brandon and I were 13 months apart, there wasn’t a moment in a my life that I don’t remember having
him around.  The pain of losing him was nearly unbearable.  I often sit and watch the clock on May 25th, thinking about what our lives were like that day before he died.  We never saw it coming, and I’m sure he didn’t either.

Brittney, Lauren, Renae, and I were sitting at Tapas in downtown Lexington the very last time I heard his voice.  He called and I answered, but only briefly.  I was enjoying dinner and drinks with my girlfriends before heading into a night of work at UK.  I wish I would have talked longer.  I will be forever grateful for the last few seconds of conversation and a final I love you.

Our lives have changed dramatically since he left us.  We have three new babies in the family.  My sister is engaged, and I am getting divorced.  His daughters have grown up so much, and he would be so proud of the little women they are becoming.  The last few weeks I have needed you more than ever and I guess you are listening to my prayers.

There will never be words to describe how much you are missed.  Your laughter and antics, you always knew how to make anyone laugh.  I hope you know how much are loved and cherished.  I know that you would like nothing more than to teach your two nephews to fish, hunt, and play football.  It is a somber day for our family.  I take solace in knowing that heaven is a little goofier place because you are there.

Today instead of remembering the day you were stolen from us, I will remember the days that we shared.  Our first trip to Disney World, breaking my leg racing you on a bicycle, and the time you nearly knocked me out playing “balance beam” on the edge of our parents water bed.  The absolutely ridiculous stuff like trying to light your farts are some of the most amusing moments of my life.  

I love you Brandon Michael Peace.  
You might have left this earth but you will never be forgotten.
December 15 1981- May 25, 2009  

Happy Sorrowful Saturday,

It’s never too late…

I think I have spent most of my life focusing on how things were suppose to go instead of letting them progress as they should.  I have actually spent the last few years of my life focusing on what I “should” have done instead of realizing how far I have came.  Every decision I have ever made has led me to where I am now and I have been given some incredible opportunities recently.  I am wholeheartedly excited to be joining the United Nations Foundation Shot@Life team and working on vaccination advocacy.  My journey has just begun with them, and I have already met some incredible and inspirational women.  I am counting the days til I get to join in them in Washington, D.C.  I wouldn’t have this opportunity if it wasn’t for my friends from Bluegrass Junior Woman’s Club who encouraged me to apply and the women at the General Federation of Women’s Clubs in D.C. for choosing me.  There are days that I look at some of the bio’s of other women, and I am so grateful for being chosen.  I think this journey could open some new doors for me and I hope I can inspire others to follow their dreams.  We may not see it in the moment, but the timing is always perfect.

One important thing we all should remember is dream big!  We should surround ourselves with other individuals who dream big, people that drive and inspire us.  A few years ago I walked into a the Beaumont Centre Clubhouse to my first meeting with the Bluegrass Junior Woman’s Club and it changed my life.  I had always loved community service and helping others, but these women inspired me.  I am so grateful for the women I meet through the organization and I am so proud to be part of such a wonderful group.  My sponsor was Beth Cramer, and even after she moved away I still keep in touch.  I gained a best friend who I adore more like a sister, Brittney Wells and her lovely momma too! I wouldn’t have made it through the months following my brothers death if it wasn’t for Brittney, Lauren, and Renae.  I could never truly express the gratitude and love I have for the women of the club.  If you read my blog and live in the Lexington, Kentucky area, come join us for a meeting!  Santa’s Shoppers, Habitat for Humanity, the Ronald McDonald House of Lexington, the Children’s Advocacy Center, and Bluegrass Domestic Violence are just a few of the many organizations that have benefited from the hard work of those involved in the club.  If you don’t live in Lexington, check out the General Federation of Women’s Clubs website and find a club in your area!  Change begins with you!

Hope everyone had a blessed and peaceful Sunday!